My Favorite Customers

Working in food service has definitely offered many interesting experiences I otherwise would not have had in my life. Most of these precious moments are provided by none other than the people I am employed to serve. Some of these descriptions are of specific people, others are every-day situations that make me question how intelligent some human beings actually are.

1. "Create-Your-Own-Shake Anonymous": There are not very many customers that do this, for I have probably scared them all off at this point, but every once in a while someone will abuse their right to customize their milkshake. Basically, we offer a customer a milkshake blended with their favorite flavor of ice cream and a favorite candy, nut, or fruit. Whipped cream optional. I wholeheartedly agree that some flavors are meant to be mixed with other flavors. Strawberry and chocolate. Mint and brownie batter. You get the idea. However, some of my favorite customers do not. These customers must try 8-9 samples of flavors they have obviously tried before (I totally remember serving them last week...). After trying these samples, they decide they need "seconds" to put together the "perfect combination" of flavors. I happily go along with their charade, and happily offer them reduced size samples. When I finally have their permission to go ahead and create their shake, they expect me to portion off 10-12 of their favorite flavors to the size of the shake. So, after their "small" shake becomes a large and I get in trouble with my boss for wasting ice cream, I send them off on their way, normally without thanks, with their perfect blend. Now I have tried these combinations out of curiosity, as there's usually enough ice cream for my own shake when it's all said and done, and it tastes like nothing! All of that hard work and patience on my behalf for something that has no specific taste. Of all the customers that play this game, my number one favorite is the one that shows up 3-4 minutes before we're supposed to close, tries every flavor in the case, and then has the nerve to ask which flavors we have in the back freezers so that he can try those too.

2. "I'm Not Eating The Stuff At The Bottom Of The Pan!": Honest to the god that I don't believe in- there is absolutely nothing wrong with the bottom of the pan goodness sitting in the cabinet. Yes, it is the last of the pan. No, it is not the last puppy at the pound. It's not diseased, nor does it have behavioral issues. In all honesty, it's probably THE BEST ice cream you can get. Since it's been in the case, it's probably at the perfect temperature and consistency, and since it's at the bottom of the pan, you don't have to worry about the nasty milk fat that gives it a weird texture. But, since you won't believe me, and of course you know so much more about ice cream than I ever will, I will go get a brand spankin' new pan of ice cream out of the back freezer. I will struggle (and possibly ruin the muscles and tendons in my wrist) to provide you the fattiest and "freshest" variety of your favorite ice cream. And when you see how hard the ice cream is, please, don't hold back your laughter. It's really funny to see someone struggle against a frozen concrete brick of ice cream for minimum wage. Please, tell me how hard it is. It's not like I could figure that out just by trying to scoop it. Oh, and the extra $0.50 tip that I have to split 2-3 ways really isn't necessary or appreciated at all.

3. "I don't have an allergy, but I'd like you to make my ice cream as if I did.": There aren't many customers that do this, either, but the ones that do are simply the wind beneath my wings. Especially when the WHOLE FAMILY does it. By the time I specially make each of their desserts, I have a line of 20 people congregating behind them and a sink full of sterilized utensils that need to be re-washed. I love making people feel special.

4. "Would you like your ice cream served in a cup or a cone?" "No." "Mmmkay then.": If you'd really like me to take you seriously and pay attention to your order, please pay attention to the questions I ask to you so I can make your "experience" as pleasant as possible. Put down your phone/stop chatting with your friend/stop making out with your man for like, 30 seconds, so I can serve you and you can be on your way. I'm not on my phone when you're placing your order or even when I'm preparing your order, so please offer me the same courtesy.

Working in food service has opened my eyes completely to how I behave in restaurants. I always try to be as polite as possible to my server, to make his/her job easier, and it takes a lot for them to fuck up their tip. Be nice to us, and we'll make sure you get a few more sprinkles on top.

-Steph